29 ish
29.95 + tax
10,958 days old
18 with 12 years experience.
I don't freak out at birthdays. I usually pretty much revel in them and use them as justification for every indulgence I'm allowing myself. I know that in the scheme of things, 30 is still just a baby.
Sure, there are moments this week when I've been thinking of Sunday looming ahead and realizing that there is a lot in my life that I thought would be different/better at this stage of the game. I'm not in a solid career or even making a full time income (even by calculating with minimum wage as a starting point).
I thought surely I'd be out on my own with my family again and in our own space by now, after losing our house nearly 5 years ago, but we aren't and won't be for possibly another few years yet. I had hoped that by 30 I would have been able to finish college, but that looks like it will continue to be put on a back burner for a long time as well. So, no. Things aren't what I thought they'd be...
I can't pretend that I'm not a bit disappointed with my mom's lack of interest in this milestone birthday. She said in passing (those are the only conversations we have lately, unless it's her nagging me to clean something or handle someone) that she assumed I'd made plans with my friends. All of my friends are scattered through different states, and have busy lives of their own. We're too spread out for parties or gatherings. I wanted to go with some girlfriends to the beach, but with gas being as high as it is... that more or less went out the window.
I know I'll get plenty of Facebook birthday love and comments, and I look forward to that. But mom could have done something. A cake. Or flowers. Something to mark the big 3-0. I'm sure it makes her feel older, to see me hit milestone birthdays. So I guess I shouldn't be surprised or let down. Our relationship is barely breathing and she makes it plain every day that my family living here is a huge inconvenience to her. There are comments that start "If this were my house...". But it isn't. It's her mother's and Gran tells me every day how much she loves having us here and what a help we are.
Gran will offer to keep the kids so that Jake and I can go out for a date night. She always does that on either of our birthdays or our anniversary, which is sweet of her. We'll likely stay in and watch a movie or something. Jake's working long, hard hours, and is completely beaten down by the time the week ends. I hate to see him so tired and worn out, but that's the nature of his job and the summer hours are "get 'em while you can" because in the winter the days are shorter and the weather nasty, so the paychecks are smaller and have to last longer.
But I'm happy. Money can't buy the awesome things that I have. Like my 4 kids. (Well, alright, so they are grossly expensive to maintain, but still.) No income in the world would be worth trading for Emily's laugh, Charles' hugs, Jeremy's patience or Jennifer's sweet spirit. They make me richer than any queen that's ever lived. And my freedom to dream and create, too. I love what I'm allowed to do with my time and talents and I keep learning so much as I go!
Earlier, I went through my big tote of photos that still need to be put into albums, and I laughed and cried in turns at baby pictures and memories. I missed my Dad so much I almost couldn't breathe. I looked back at my high school days and band camp and college. I have been blessed beyond reckoning.
So bring it on, Sunday! I'm ready to be a tricenarian, and make the next decade even better than the last! I have a list of goals to be met. I'm excited to get started and see where it all leads.
And there will be cake and cards from Jake's family. Just the small group of us makes the best birthday parties EVER.
Happy Birthday to me! :)
UPDATE
Last night at Jake's Grandmother's house, we had beef stroganoff for dinner. It was funny because the wind kicked up pretty hard and irritated a power line somewhere, so the power went off for nearly an hour. As people were trying to cook ground beef. On an electric stove. So Heather (my amazing, wonderful sister in law who is determined to take over the world by saying please and thank you) took the pots out to the grill (yes, you heard correctly). The power came back on just as everything was done and we were ready to sit down. Of course. :)
After dinner Heather made a show of keeping me busy in conversation while Jake put candles on a cake that Aunt K had brought for me. It had my name on it and everything! They all sang to me and I blew out all the candles in one go. I didn't get any pics before we ate it, though. They put 24 candles in the cake (because that's how many come in a box, apparently) so we said I was 24 with 6 years experience. And then cracks were made about how more than one entire box of candles on a cake is not recommended by the GA fire safety commission, etc. etc. Hardy har har. :D
We then played cards for the next 2 hours, at which I lost spectacularly. Unless you like hoarding points, in which case I trumped them all. :)
It was wonderful and I have had a fantastic birthday.
