If you've been following/reading my blog lately, you'll notice that I was finally able to move from "Jenny Ray's Blog" (BORING!) to something more attention catching. Thanks to many friends who offered suggestions for title names. We considered everything from "Poetic Ponderings" to "I lost 457 lbs in 2 weeks! Ask me how!". The first, while making nice use of alliteration, is inaccurate due to me not writing much poetry, ever. The second didn't make it because it's just a plain out lie. I would have died 4 times. It might have gotten some brief traffic to the site, though.
Finally, I thought of how a lot of my posts are about my struggle with pride- a healthy, quality-of-life-standard kind of pride in myself that is important and vital to success, versus proud to the point of being a conceited, vain and an insufferable know-it-all whose comeuppance is sure to happen at any moment and in the most painful way possible. I thought of all the metaphors associated with pride and of course one of the first images to surface was the proud peacock. I'm not going to lie; I love peacocks. I love using their feathers in all sorts of art projects and there are several shades of blue that I am convinced can't be found anywhere else in nature besides peacock plumage. But I wonder if maybe human society isn't being fair to the Pavo Cristatus by associating it with conceit and vanity. And the male peafowl is the one with the splendiferous tail. What of the female? Is she as proud and snobby as her mate? Perhaps she is not only the opposite in sex, but also character/personality trait. (Perhaps I need to get more
sleep and not eat pizza after midnight so I don't over-think these things...)
I did some research on the female peafowl. Here is a quote from a great web source: "A peahen may lay eggs only once a year, or several times a year. It has a lot to do with her stress factor. A happy peahen will lay more eggs, more often, while a stressed peahen may not lay any eggs at all, or just one or two only once.The incubation period is 28 days. She will sit on her nest constantly. Keep noise and activity to a minimum. A peahen will abandon a nest if she feels that too much commotion is going on."
I feel the same way much of the time. With all of the stress at home (issues with my mother and my husband), I often feel disconnected from my children. Of course, that's where the similarity ends!!! I would never, EVER abandon my babies for anything in the world. I just thought it was interesting that this beautiful bird requires peace and security for optimal health. So do I!
Getting back to the "modest" part- I want to be beautiful. I do. I don't have some of the self image issues that I used to. I've overcome many of those insecurities. Not all of them, but many. I don't look in the mirror in the morning and tell myself I'm fat and ugly. That's just not true. For the most part, I like how I look. The more important beauty, that which comes from within, is even more important to me. I want to have those character traits that people around me admire. Honesty, loyalty, kindness, love, compassion, wit, generosity, forbearance...
I think that the analogy of a peacock- beautiful and confident- being modest and humble is perfect imagery for my blog. It pretty much sums up how I want my life to be.
So I hope you like it. :)