You shouldn't be so hard on yourself - God isn't, so why are you?I speak from experience - we faced having our house repossessed and I hit all manner of 'low' points with my husband and the kids (he was out all the time; one child was in danger of going off the rails) and I felt like I was at the bottom of a very deep, dark and slimy pit. But I knew I could either indulge in self loathing and 'pity parties' or I could say "God, I can't deal with this - come and get me out of here!"I prayed for Him to get rid of all the problems and the doubts and the hurts - and HE didn't! But what HE did do was help me to endure and grow through these difficult seasons of life. We clawed our way our of financial problems (being creative with the household budget became a 'gifting'!) and now own our house outright; the child on the rails became a child who was 'saved' and went on to Bible college; the husband who was always too busy or too tired became the man who cared more about me than I did myself!Our problem is that we focus on the here and now but God can see over our troubled horizons. Sometimes we just have to let go and let God get on with shaping us - Jesus never said it would be easy following Him, only that it would be worth it!Hope the days ahead improve for you enough to see Him at work in and around you. :-)SueH
Thanks, Sue! I'm holding on to His promises and He gives me strength every day!
Since I have known you, and you me, for so long, you know my thoughts about your mother so I will neglect to indulge myself about posting on her. (Plus, it'll be nicer if I just shut my mouth, though I won't say anything you haven't thought already!)With your father, you can't focus on the 'what if's. I do not know the pain of losing a parent, though I remember very vividly the day you lost your father and sharing your sorrow with you. Your father was a good man--sweet, approachable, accepting, gifted, and with a surprising talent in martial arts (he would pair off with me and apologize for anything our instructor told us to do).Your marriage. Sigh. Without going into details on either account, you know that I understand exactly what you are going through. We both decided to try to tough things out and forgive rather than dwell. And we both know how insanely difficult that can be.All I can offer is what you already know: draw closer to God and let Him hold you in His hands--He is the safest harbor you can find.I am here for you always. Even if it's merely to make you smile as you plot revenge...
LOL, Meg!!! :)
Perhaps I should clarify. LOL at the plotting revenge part. Awww and hugs to the rest. ;)
It's good that you brought your thoughts back around to what is, rather than choosing to dwell only on what might have been. Because we can never see the ultimate outcome of the other path. It's easy to imagine things would have been better, but I think, more often, they would probably have been worse.
Glad you're planning on making lemonade from your lemons!